god stuff

man i dont know whats going on with my faith lately but it seems to be notibly lacking.

its like i feel tired or something. but things aint right. ive been a christian a long long time now,and ive seen alot of stuff, some good some bad some down right weird. ive peronally experianced gods healing, grace, miricles, and ive also experianced the lack of god the distance the desolate lonleyness from god too. ive seen people come to faith and fall from faith. and at this moement in time, i feel so indifferent to god. now dont get me wrong im not saying i dont beleive in god and heaven hell jesus and eternal life and all that stuff, but my faith is seriously rocked at the moe. i feel so thin in faith so tired of trying to beleive. it all seems so far away. kind of distant not real like a dream or a dream of a dream. all i know is i try to be a friend to all peoples and do my best to show god to them. i have alot of non christian mates which is great, i have alot of christian friends too. and partly why im feeling like this is that i have some really really lovelly non christian mates, just really really great people who i love, but ultimately are gona go to hell, and i have some bloody arsehole christian mates who i really dont like much at all and are gona go to heaven. what the f.u.c.k. is that all about????? i duno any way the prospect of being close to god at the moe seems to be eludeing me. but then again what gives me the right to be close to god. its nothing i can do. if i beleive that then im a pharrassiee. i can only be close to god through jesus. ioh man sod it my heads all full will update later.