unlovable

the last couple of days ive discoverd that im actually not that unlovable. i try to make myself unlovable to lots of people inclueding god, but thanx to a very close mate of mine who basicly shouted at me down the phone ive come round a bit. i just get a bit down about it sometimes.

i make myself unloveable to people for all sorts of reasons, but i think its a defence mechanism against people i dont know/like very much. but i have to keep realising that god loves me as do other people. i just put others i like so high above me that i cant reach them. then i start thinking about how crap i am and it all just sprials into stupidity. its annoying coz i keep haveing such a low selfesteem of myself, i know about it i know its really unhelpful, but i cant help it.