romans 7 vs 15 - 20

the verse. " i d not understand what i do. for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate to do i do. and if i do what i do not want to do, i agree that the law is good.as it is it is no longer i myself who do it, but the sin living in me. i know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. for i have the desire to do what is good, but cannot carrie it out.for what i do is not the good i want to do; no, the evil i do not want to do - this is what i keep on doing. now if i do what i do not want ot do, it is no longer i who do it, but it is the sin living in me that does it." PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

right then. ive been really relating to this passage lately coz it has all been feeling a bit hopeless. coz as in the passage i know the things i should be doing but i dont do them. instead i keep on doing the things i know are wrong. whats that all about?????!!!?? its doing my head in.! its like i almost have no conrol over what i do. why is this? well basicly im a monkey. we (humans) will never get anything totally right all the time. as with all things in our walk with god if we just focus on jesus and how amazing he is everything else is just crap in comparison and will just fade away. so we stop focusing on ourselves and focus on jesus. fair enough. easyer said than done. "jesus you so holy your so amazingly powerful and wonderful and beautifull and cool. ill see ya later im just gona go here pick me nose and eat worms" where is the jesus in my day to day stuff? in the boredom of work? in the days when im pissed off with life? in the bali bombing i see on the news? in the mental guy going down the road eating rotten food out of the bins? in my own failings coz they are there evry single minuite of every single day? where are you god in my hurting?????? so heres a thought. im not trying to excuse sinning in any way or doing wrong. but do you think that jesus actually cares about the stuff we do wrong???? well obviuosly he dosent want us to do wrong. but we make such a big deal out of it that the idea itself getts in the way of us and him.

a guy dies and hoes to heaven. on his way there he starts to panic over the sins of his past life which were mostly sexual. as he gets closer he sees jesus and really starts to stress and worrie about what jesus is gona say. jesus is right in front of him. the man trys to speak but cant get a word out properly. " i diddddd... im sorrryy..... i could......." and jesus turns to him and says " dont bother me with all that stuff. now come over here and play."

sometimes i think of heaven and going there and i long to here those words from jesus "well done my good and faithfull servant" but im scared that i never will. tell me jesus what you think of me? am i good enough for you? the trouble is all this crap just gets in the way of us doing what god wants us to do. lets not focus on our problems but focus on jesus for he is everything. tiss alot harder to do than say though. god help me.